Thursday, August 9, 2012

Inside the Mind of an Abusive Person

Having worked with people who have proven guilty of utmost cruelty and helped them turn their lives around for the better, I have had a very unique kind of view inside the mind of people who abuse others.  The mind of an abusive person is indeed a frightening place.  It is as frightening as the pain they inflict. 

One of the people with whom I worked quite closely was bipolar and took no medication.  He also harbored wrenching addictions that affected his behavior toward himself and others.  Another I have known quite well harbored a strange delight in harming others so as to make himself feel better.  What would it be like if you could climb inside their thinking?  Truthfully, they act out what they are thinking.  The bipolar person felt always that his life was riding a moving platform that kept shifting under his feet.  This made him honestly feel that life was constantly against him and that he had to harm and destroy in order to keep the boat from tipping over as it were.  When he began to break through his addictions his abusive behavior worsened because his typical venue of releasing the stress of life disappeared and he felt the need to control, destroy and distort someone in order for him to feel a sense of power in his state of powerlessness.  The other I believe has acted out of a supressed anger.  He felt himself low and unloved and felt that he could give himself a way to feel powerful and happier by destroying the people around him. 

Honestly, I cannot help but feel some pity for them.  That doesn't excuse their actions and it shouldn't allow their actions to continue.  Often the best thing that one can do for an abusive person is to deny them the opportunity.  They will have to straighten up if they want a peaceful life.  And really, that is what most of them want.  They want peace, but have no idea how to find it.  Protect the victim.  Get them away from their aggressor and reassure them that they do not need to look back.  But take a minute and also mercifully pray for the abuser, for he or she lives in a constant state of hell.


  1. My father, who abused me, was abused by his father. He told me he would wet his pants when his father came home. He was terrified of him.

    My father's brothers abused their children. One had his twin boys taken away. He used to keep them in a cage in the basement. The other brother was a sex abuser.

    I've often wondered how much of a person's evil personality came from his genes. My father's family was full of evil.

  2. Oh there is definitely a genetic play at work. The similarities between father/son, mother/child etc is profound. I am proud of you for recognizing that these things and behaviors are indeed evil. All more reason to rescue the victims and all the more reason to pray for the abusers. Loves to you, Beautiful Belle!