Friday, June 7, 2013

Spread the Love, Baby

I might add a second title to this post in the words "How to Avoid Becoming a Psychopathic Stalker."  We have, I am sure, all experienced the soul wrenching misery of unrequited love whether it be familial love, romantic love, or that of a friendship gone awry.  We see the object of our passion moving on in their lives, happier without our company, or so it would seem.  We often want to yell, scream, throw a hysterical fit like a two year old, pounding our fists into the floor and the like.  I had a professor in college who admitted to once shaving his brunette locks completely off as protest against his girlfriend dumping him and in an attempt to prove to her that she really did want him back.  In short, we become temporarily insane when we experience a powerful relationship gone bad.

I have certainly had my share of mangled hearts, and I think one of the reasons God allowed me to be in some of the circumstances in which I have found myself was so I could learn a thing or two from them.  Firstly, throwing a fit very rarely gets the other person to turn your way.  Perhaps, if a beloved walks away because they think or feel you don't love them, then ardently getting in their face and proving your love might be ideal, but that is a very rare case.  Generally speaking, the healthiest thing to do is to spread that love around.  It will hurt, but it will hurt less than dwelling on the matter at hand and certainly proves more productive.  How does one do this?  Well, let's say you want to smother this person with affection but at this point cannot.  Then look around you, take that injured energy, and spoil with attention and affection everyone else within your reach.  Displacing the whole lump of emotion on one other person usually leads to disaster but giving some attention to one person and some to another until you feel like your energy is spent often leads to a great deal of personal popularity that in turn lifts you up and helps you realize that there is more than anguish in this world. Need ideas on how to spoil other people?  Smile at them, compliment them, look for things that others do well and call them on it, be aware of the needs of others and help if you can, pray for other people, and the like.  It doesn't have to be big things, and indeed it works best when it isn't.  And always remember that life is possible on the other side of this mountain you're presently hiking.

Ironically, this approach also tends to bring your beloved closer to you, makes them realize what they lost, and appreciate you more.  But even if it doesn't, your life will be fuller by understanding the fact that your life and worth doesn't depend on one person's opinion - anyone's opinion, save yours and most especially God's, who can see the light in you when you can least see it in yourself.  So the next time unrequited love of any kind rears it ugly head, spread the love to everyone around you, to God and also to yourself.

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