Thursday, August 8, 2013

Sexual Abuse Backfires



One of my sisters recently finished reading a book recounting life as it was in a foreign country in an age now gone.  It recounts how men treated women with little respect and how women were forced into deranged sexual exploits by abusive husbands.  My dear brethren, this issue is still alive and well today and in our own neighborhoods; it may be alive in our own homes or that of our daughters, mothers, sisters, nieces, granddaughters or cousins.  There are men that are heartless enough to injure innocent women and force them to become slaves in this manner, but let me issue a caveat to those men who think that they can force a woman to give herself to him simply because he demands it.

As I have studied sexual abuse and domestic abuse in general, there is a lingering thread that weaves itself around each situation almost without exception.  The abused person lives in fear not only of acting in a manner that will excite turmoil but also has to hide her feelings and plaster a smile to keep her abuser from exploding in anger.  Everything must seem freely given, even when it is exacted with the cruelest of punishments.  Let me throw you a bit of logic.  It is impossible to treat a woman like an object, impossible to keep her under one’s thumb, and also retain her sexual loyalty.  

Why?  Because he didn’t earn it, and when a woman has to plaster a smile on her face and surrender because of fear to her husband, she will, out of a knee jerk reaction, similarly have the tendency to surrender to any other man who shows interest in her, inwardly cowering in fear.  Like Pavlov’s dog, she has been taught by the sword that when a man wants her, she is to submit, no matter how wrong, how degrading, or how much she may hate the idea.  When you make her an object to be acted upon, you immediately lose her, body and soul, in the very act because her psyche will learn to fear and instinctively surrender to the cruel, heartless side of masculinity.  A man may think he is gaining something by treating his wife as a sex object and may think he has her all to himself because of this coercive treatment and her terrified submission but in reality he is willingly, actively forcing her, potentially at least, into the arms of every other man she meets.

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