Sunday, June 8, 2014

Getting Your Man to Commit

I have been contemplating this post for many months and the time never felt quite right but today I feel impressed to put my thoughts into print on the subject.  We live in a society where often women feel that all men prove fully against commitment and that no matter what a girl does she just can't get her happily ever after from a man.  She gives her time, love, body, and everything else she can to no avail and I have certainly heard enough from women to know that this is an ongoing trend.  I myself have had the opposite problem in my life.  I have lost count of how many men have wanted to marry me, so let me give you one small word of advice.  

Some time ago I was reading a newsletter pertaining to the psychology of relationships and romance.  I came to a part that prepped a female reader for some wild, outlandish, irrational advice.  Then it said, as if announcing some strange, unheard of idea, "make him wait for sex."  I have to admit I nearly laughed out loud at the hilarity.  Somehow, I think I have heard that idea before.  Perhaps it was somewhere in the commandments of the Old Testament...at any rate, it is an idea that has been around for quite some time.  The article suggested that a woman wait until a man is dating exclusively her.  I would go further and insist that one wait until after he says "I do."  Why?  Partly because if you are giving him everything right off the bat what reason does he have to commit to you?  I had a male friend once insist that sex was essential to a dating relationship and that after all, "a man has needs."  I have thought much of that argument since and would now counter with, "Yes, and a woman has needs.  Like absolute commitment."  Relationships are two way streets, after all, and a woman's needs are half of the recipe.  This doesn't mean one has to be catty about it.  It just means that a woman has moral standards that she carries with her and which mean more to her than immediate lust or fear of loss does.  It means that she values herself to do what, to many religionists, is the right thing, anyway.  

One may argue that no man would be interested in a woman like that.  I beg to differ and please allow me to prove it.  I have spent much time talking to men of the world, including a dear friend I have had since high school who is intelligent, well educated, classy, gentlemanly and fun.  He is not religious and was complaining that women were not committing to him!  In our discussions I learned that he would become physically involved with women fairly quickly upon dating them and he was astonished to learn that I would never kiss on the first date, actually didn't kiss my high school boyfriend until some time after he was my boyfriend, wouldn't let a man touch me sexually until after marriage, and that I would sooner break up with a man than let him come between me and my moral conscience - and in fact have done it before.  His reaction was, "Michelle, I need you to hook me up with a woman exactly like you!  That is exactly what I want!" Speaks for itself, ladies.  In this society it goes against the grain a bit but in truth, the commandments in the Bible are there for a reason.  They do not offer immediate gratification but they lead us to an ultimate and far more satisfying happily ever after.  And after all, since God made men, women, and relationships, shouldn't He know how to bring them together best? 

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