I stood dumbly, staring at the hours stated on the automatic doors of Urgent Care. It had closed half an hour ago. I had been holding on with all my will to be able to make it here. Turning away my strength finally left me.
I vaguely remember hitting the sidewalk.
A short while later, which passes to my mind like a blur, I found myself being wheeled into the nearby emergency room. I remembered the impression that came to mind earlier when I began the trek to urgent care that I would end up in the emergency room instead. My mind had been confused much of the day. Stress pressing on my mind, attempting to exert emotional and spiritual strength to remain Christlike under conditions that might have led me to anger, frustration and bitterness had clouded my mind and I seemed in a fog of confusion and distress. The hike to Sabino Canyon's Seven Falls had become particularly arduous after I lost access to the water I had brought at the farthest point from civilization, straining my dehydrated body under the Arizona sun. Prayer had seemed all day to lead me to a lack of answers - something tremendously unusual for me. I know of course that all trials are for our good under the hand of a merciful God but I had proven too overwhelmed to think clearly enough to altogether appreciate that fact.
So I sat in my wheelchair, hardly able to speak and drained in body and spirit. I do not cry easily but I held my face in my hands and trembled dry eyed, my shoulders shaking with a sense of helpless misery. I stared listlessly at the golf tournament on a big screen in the waiting room and vaguely noticed a man changing the channel. I returned to my thoughts, straining to pray but again receiving no clarity of mind or spirit. At length I languidly gazed back at the screen and caught my breath. A massive grin crept over my face and I felt heavy tears of relief and joy course down my skin.
Harrison Ford and Sean Connery argued on their way out of Nazi Germany. And it couldn't have come at a better time. Indiana Jones has for some time become for me a very intense symbol of peace and hope in my mind - something precious few save the Lord know about me. It reminds me of the reality of the gospel of Jesus Christ and breathes to life the fact that heaven is real - sometimes just around the corner. In darkness it reminds me that light can still come and that truth can triumph against all odds. It at once answered with peace all the those thoughts and troubles that had clouded my mind and soul. Had I the choice of any movie coming to my view at that moment I cannot imagine a more perfect comfort than that.
I have, through my recovery yesterday and today, considered the implications and learning experience arising from that. It has struck me forcibly that my prayers seemed wholly answered by confusion and mental stupor. Had God momentarily abandoned me? Not likely. But He had a greater comfort in mind, one physically tangible and which arrived when He meant it to come. And sometimes when we are in the darkest abyss, God only allows it so that He can bring us to greater heights of joy and light thereafter.