Saturday, January 10, 2015

I Might Have Another Child

Several years ago when I was meditating on having children I felt very strongly that I would have two daughters.  The feeling was so strong, in fact, that my home was built and situated with the idea of two little girls in mind.  As life progressed, however, I fell terribly ill with post traumatic stress and violent seizures to the point that after having a daughter and son, it seemed as though being able to conceive another child would prove impossible.  The thought of having another girl dissipated in the reality of illness and melted into the background.  Battles for my life ensued and I felt perfectly content with the two children I had, thinking that my health certainly did not admit for even considering another.

I confess, I have fought and attempted to shake off an impression that has been of late pressing on my mind.  Over and over I have felt that there is another daughter who is to be born to me.  The illness I have completely prevents my being able to physically conceive or bear a baby and yet I feel the overwhelming impression to get ready for pregnancy and delivery.  Moreover, I feel that the child already has not only a soul of her own but a name picked out for her and that I ought to search for it in the Old Testament.  The name Ruth keeps hammering in my mind as appropriate and requisite, which name I had never before considered for a daughter.  My children are extremely excited about this idea, and in truth, have been baby hungry for years already.  Perhaps they knew something I didn't?

My friends, I cannot lift even the smallest finger to bring this about.  It would require a miracle no less powerful than God's parting the Red Sea to bring the Israelites to freedom, and I am not pursuing this in any manner, for if I place my own desires and follow my own will rather than surrendering to God's, not only will it not come to fruition, but I would stain my soul by so doing.  Nevertheless, I feel it the will of God to recognize the possibility and wait patiently with an open mind to accept His will as it unfolds in my life. 

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