I was seventeen when my boyfriend of two and a half years decided to give into his friends and puff away on a cigarette for the first time. His nickname for me was Ms. Standards because my moral standards were so high and his friends worried that Rex's mean old, boring girlfriend wouldn't let him continue smoking. This was his report to me when he called me up and told me he had taken his first step into smoking. "You probably won't let me smoke, of course" he concluded. Little did he know me.
"No, that's okay." I replied. It has never been my goal in life to be a jailer or my boyfriend's mother. He can do whatever he wants! His shock and subsequent joy proved overwhelming. "But you're never kissing me again," I added nonchalantly. It stands to reason that while I am not interested in being a drag, I'm also completely uninterested in making out with an ashtray. Simple logic, really.
He quit smoking. I'm not sure why, exactly.
Later, in fact years later, I found myself stretching out on a mat at the gym when a man I did not know terribly well came over and struck up a conversation. He leveled an X rated sentence at me, pertaining to the idea that I looked very attractive whilst doing yoga. Cautiously, he examined my face and asked if I was offended. I responded, and felt impressed to respond, that as a disciple of Jesus Christ, I find it a Christian's duty not to get offended easily and that I strive not to get personally outraged about anything - it is difficult to anger me. However, on those same grounds his language was not morally right. Since he hadn't known where I stood on matters of morality, I was not justified in engaging in any kind of punishment. However, now that he knew, if he ever did it again it would be my moral duty to kick him in the head. Logical.
I'm not sure why an ear to ear grin suddenly spread across his features. He has never attempted to drag down my moral standards since and we are on pleasant, respectful terms to this day.
You see, I have never believed in trying to micromanage a guy's life. No one should. Every man is his own man and can do exactly as he pleases. Rex could have continued to smoke - I would not have broken up with him for it. But just as I allowed him to do as he wanted I also held for myself the right to refrain from kissing a smoker. Not being overbearing, just being real. The other man easily could have continued to make sexual comments about me. I couldn't have stopped him if he had been extremely determined. But for some reason or other he simply decided to stop. Curious. So yes, my ladies! Let your man do whatever he wants! And inasmuch as you are also an important half of the relationship, make sure you take good care of yourself, too.