Thursday, February 12, 2015

The Real Fifty Shades of Grey

I have spent quite a lot of time counseling couples and individuals about their marriages.  Allow me to tell you about one couple I have seen and with which I have worked.  The man grew up surrounded by pornography.  He was well learned in the field when he met a young, innocent, virgin.  His mind filled with the lessons from his childhood and cemented throughout his relatively short adulthood he felt that he could lie to this young lady and everyone else around him in order to bully her into marriage.  Descending to the lowest levels of dishonesty he succeeded.  As she related to me, her wedding night was the most miserable night of her life.  What should have been a loving, tender, passionate evening was a vile, evil ridden, abusive slap in the face in which she could feel more powerfully than ever the fact that to him she was only a body without a soul, that her relationship was void of respect or humanity, and she could feel the underlying hatred he had for God and himself in a truly horrifying way.  As an innocent minded woman she knew she would never seek an extramarital affair and thus this was going to be the measure of her love life forever. 

The relationship turned to one of continual sexual abuse with the husband continually telling the wife how inferior her body was, how he wished she could look like other women, and forcing her into the position of a worthless, despised entertainer who was never good enough to fully please him in bed.  I do not know that there was ever any idea in his mind that she was a human being and was capable of wanting a fulfilling relationship and happy life.  If any action was not calculated to gratify him, he considered it not only worthless but a dangerous threat.  His temper kept her silenced and fear became her dominant emotion toward him.  He tried to force on this young innocent bestiality, homosexuality et cetera and eventually angrily treated her like the dirt beneath his feet because she had the horrid audacity to be a woman and not an animal.  

I will dispense with how their relationship finally ended.  Suffice it to say, the result was not desirable.  Pornography warps and distorts the mind.  It creates false ideas of what women and men are and ought to be.  It destroys any sense of love and humanity.  As depicted in the movie and also very true to life, this is a process that spirals downward in faster and faster circles until the people involved lose themselves to a vulgarity they never could have imagined.  I hear people say that pornography is a victimless crime.  As I have counseled with exotic dancers, abused women and many pornography addicts I have learned a very important truth.  Porn is an infectious disease that destroys everything and everyone that it touches. 

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