Wednesday, July 22, 2015

When He Looks At Other Women

My first experience in this regard doubled as a twelfth birthday present - a needed growing experience planned by my Heavenly Father to induct me into the almost teenage years.  A boy I had every reason to believe liked me very much suddenly found himself chased after by two other of our mutual female acquaintances.  They were engaged in verbally fighting over him and I stood watching.  He made no kind of sign that he had already made a choice of who he liked best in me and I watched as he let them fight hysterically.  I think he expected me to join in the fray.  What happened next has been characteristic of my attitude toward relationships and guys ever since.  I took him aside and told him as though there was nothing between us except the merest of platonic friendship, that he was to make his own decisions between the two ladies and I told him that he was his own person and no one had the right to bully him into choosing one over the other.  I bade him to choose one of those beautiful ladies and have a happy life.  Then I turned on a heel, head held high and walked away.  

I only cried later when he couldn't see me.  

The fact of the matter is that women were not naturally created to be competitive to win a guy's affections.  It isn't our duty to do the chasing.  Just isn't.  And besides that, if the man is good enough to get your attention, isn't he worth the respect to let him make his own decisions?  I have known many relationships in which women yell, scream, curse and the like when they see their man look hungrily at another women.  I'm sorry, but did the woman expect such behavior to convince a man how much more desirable she was than the next lady?  I have a great abhorrence in the idea that I might be the woman whose man feels that she is a millstone, a weight, a ball and chain, or a jailer that he can't escape.  I'm not here to be anyone's jailer; I'm here to be a woman and I would expect a real man to understand that.  

And it isn't out of pride at all.  It's out of pure, sheer, overwhelming respect for the man and his feelings.  If a man decides to go behind his girlfriend's back to hit on another woman relentlessly, for example, and the woman finds out about it, what ought she to do?  Cry?  Curse?  Hardly.  Back off, ladies.  Calmly, sincerely tell him that if he wants the other lady, to please go right ahead.  He can have her all he wants.  He just can't have her and you as well.  I have many times prayed for the happiness of guys who have cheated on me or flirted with other women.  Let them have their happiness, pursue other women and be that kind of man. And let them have it completely without you.  You know who you are and what you want.  You want a man who wants to be with you and who actively chooses you each day, not a man who feels obligated to pretend to be what he's not and feels trapped in a relationship with you.  You are mature enough to be a one man kind of lady and you expect a one lady kind of man in return.  If that isn't the case with your boyfriend, then no hard feelings.  It just wasn't meant to be.  No hurt, no foul, just move forward in different directions.  You aren't trying to control him in any way - you just care about your own life and your own future and are willing to protect it, along with giving him the freedom to walk away forever. 

I have known and dated many guys, and bid many of them adieu for this reason but I will tell you this - not one of those guys who I respected enough to leave had any reason to speak of me with disrespect thereafter.  Indeed, I have heard them say that losing me was a choice they regretted for years after the fact.
 

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