Saturday, July 18, 2015

When Your Man Goes Out With The Boys

I have often heard women complaining that their husband spends more and more time with masculine buddies than at home and it seems a common thing for women to become upset, flustered, and feel demeaned by said behavior.  It proves a foreign concept to me, partly because I am such an extreme introvert and partly because I highly appreciate the concept of a guy going off with his friends and doing "guy stuff."  It is a perfectly healthy idea and honestly, I enjoy the occasional roll of sushi with my ladies, too.  But for those women who hate it, I have an absolutely delightful and probably foolproof solution.  

Firstly, a word of clarification.  I find it healthy and an excellent source of happiness for a guy to hang with his friends, provided only that he abides by his conscience while out.  If he is using that time to get drunk, drool over other women or the like, all approval disappears.  But if the man wants to ride motorcycles, watch sports or do whatever else guys do when I'm not around, so much the better.  Whatev.  If it becomes excessive though, ladies, here's a way too fun solution.  It goes something like this:

Him: Honey, I told the guys I'd meet them at the club tonight.  It wasn't my fault - they made me promise!

You: (glancing up casually from your book)  Okay.  Have fun.

Him: (slightly astonished) ...You're...not...upset?

You: Of course not.  I know you need your time with your friends, and I value that.  I wouldn't dream of interfering.  Besides, I have plans tonight so it works out perfectly.

Him:  (relieved, surprised and somewhat interested)  Oh, that's great!  What did you have planned?

You: (nonchalantly turns a page in said book) Oh, I'm going to cook up (name something super delish that makes taste buds dance), then after the kids go to bed, have a quiet, late dinner, soak in a hot scented bubble bath, slather baby oil all over my skin, and then practice yoga by candlelight in the bedroom.  Naked.  Oh, and on your way home would you pick up a gallon of milk, please?

Him: (stumbling over his tongue) Well, actually, I think I might be able to stay home tonight...

You: (innocently interrupting) Oh no, dear, your couldn't possibly dream of doing that!  You promised, and I wouldn't want you to break your word. 

Him: But -

You:  No.

And here is the funny part.  After you forcefully push him out the door you proceed to actually go ahead with those plans, while he sits with his guys all night cursing himself for having done this.  You have kept your hands clean, you have inner peace, and your man will think, not twice, but thrice or quadruply before making plans with the guys again.  When he finally does, answer with a sweet smile and repeat the above conversation. 

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