I have never openly related this story or recorded it in my various journals, though I do include it in my autobiography, as it proves a very powerful time in my life that tried my soul beyond all reckoning, defining my character and providing lovely fodder for much reflection and self exploration.
College years proved delightful to me for many reasons and from my infancy I had dreamed of pursuing a PhD, or several of them if opportunity presented itself. My studies brought me to a class like none other, which treated upon my favorite subjects and at the head of which stood the most exquisitely brilliant professor I have ever had the privilege to know. Though nearly as young as most of his pupils and in some cases much younger indeed, this doctor of English commanded the subject matter, the classroom, and it seemed each moment of our homework ridden lives with the ease of a true master of his art. I knew at once that I would gain a great deal of knowledge from his lectures but I did not expect to learn even greater lessons with regard to him off of the academic stage.
Women around me constantly buzzed with excitement at the sight of this almost GQ model instructor. Finding myself married and morally clean, I kept my nose discretely in my books, basking in the language and reveling in the added knowledge I gleaned. It hadn't occurred to me that this was precisely the kind of behavior that attracted the said professor's amorous attention. Angry upon discovering that I wore a diamond ring of status, he kept a close watch and studied me as deftly as he often studied his books. He found through observation several marital problems with which I strove and upon so doing, engaged in a full blown attack of romantic coaxing that haunted my steps continually. Marital issues proving quite painful and the powerful wooing of this man overwhelming I found myself in the middle of an earth shattering but generally unspoken war. I recall times when I felt so torn that I became something of a being walking through life in a dream of exhausted stress. I recall praying continually for strength to do the right thing. I recall the exertion of turning him down so drained me that at one point I left his office, found my way outside and to a bench, and promptly blacked out. He became incensed when I continually rejected his attentions to the point that he sacrificed his own lecture time to point out quite eloquently before a captive audience of two hundred that a woman who rejects such a man on nothing save the grounds of moral decency proved not only wrong but absolutely "prudish, prudish, prudish!" We rounded out our relations some years later, concluding, as best as we could, as friends and common pilgrims, struggling through life with a united appreciation of beauty and religion.
We often look for justifications and excuses to betray our own consciences and trample upon the commandments of God. We may tell ourselves that it proves too hard, it isn't worth the fight, and that human attraction stands paramount in importance, towering over trifling ideas like morality. I cannot tell what might have happened had I given in to his beckoning but I can testify conclusively that I have never once regretted living a clean life before God. I know for a fact that my life is better and more richly blessed than it would have been had I allowed him his way. I know by experience that when a situation is harder than we can bear, our God will create miracles to help us withstand temptation. When our hearts are aright and we are giving our all, He may not make it easy, but He will make it possible.