Sunday, January 24, 2016

Willing Surrender

I rarely discuss temptations I face, in part at least because after many years of striving with all my might to change my heart and purge my soul I rarely feel the sting and stress of overwhelming pulls toward evil. The last two days, however, have seemed rife with beckoning toward a direction I generally never turn. I speak, gentle reader, of the vice of anger.

Forgiveness proves second nature in my heart, spirit, mind and the purpose of my life. Grudges make no one happy and the Lord commands His followers to forgive. I have forgiven abuse, mistreatment, general disrespect and the like quickly and with open arms toward my aggressors. But in reference to the rumors about me  and related atrocities I myself have forgiven but for some reason have been able to feel the anger of the Lord, the righteous indignation He feels and the power He has to break those involved and bring them to their knees. As these feelings raged through me I confess the continual inclination to let these people know how wrong they were, how childish and unjustified their behavior proved, and to publicly unveil the sins they have attempted so hard to cloak.

Patience.

I believe one reason the Lord allowed me to feel such fury, so wholly uncharacteristic of my general attitude, was to allow me to understand that though I may forgive, He watches out for His children.  I believe that perhaps, should He decide to intervene, I might have the comfort of understanding that His ways are absolutely just. He wanted to keep me from openly and immediately accept them so as to render them the room to repent and make up for such behavior.  My frustrated impatience followed my unwilling psyche into church where peace began to come through no exertion of my own and in ways I could never have foreseen. The final verse of the closing song of our first meeting, regarding Joseph Smith's martyrdom, ran thus,

"Sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven; earth must atone for the blood of that man. Wake up the world for the conflict of justice.  Millions shall know 'Brother Joseph' again."

Tears choked me and I sat silently and listened as the chorus burst out through the chapel "hail to the Prophet, ascended to heaven! Traitors and tyrants now fight him in vain...."

Have patience. Surrender to the Lord and let Him repay when others injure you. Your duty and mine is to forgiveness and kindness. He loves you more than you do and His hand proves stronger by far, to say nothing of being perfect and all knowing. Surrender into patient acceptance of the trials He gives you, but when Zhe fights in your behalf, surrender also to the service of justice. 

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