Sunday, April 24, 2016

Divorce and Dumb Men

My jaw dropped earlier today when I heard one of the most inwardly and outwardly beautiful women I have ever known relate that she currently faces divorce.  I have always looked at her and thought that any man should feel himself lucky for the bare opportunity to kiss her hand.  If ever I felt inclined to think a man thoroughly unintelligent, this was it.  

But I refuse to think of men in that way.  I know them too well, and appreciate too deeply the dynamics between man, woman and God to simply blow off any human being as an irredeemable idiot.  This labeling of men as dumb stands as a terrible plague in this world, with unwarranted damage releasing itself in its wake.  Men are dynamic, powerful, passionate beings of light, created in the image of God and each holds a divine destiny in the overarching course of eternity.

Men are not dumb creatures.  I have a friend who speaks overly harshly of her ex husband.  He apparently had extramarital affairs behind her back, which she did not discover for a while. This has induced her to speak of him as something worthless and dumb.  Dumb?  He outsmarted her, didn't he?  Many things a man in that situation may be but dumb generally isn't it.  If he intended to keep her as a wife, his actions would have proven highly unwise but still too cunning to be called unintelligent.  If she was verbally abusive and he didn't care whether or not he stayed married, maybe she ought to look toward her own behavior before judging his.  He employed that intelligence wrongly perhaps but still he utilized it and it gave him the temporary desire he sought.  Worthless?  Both she and another woman wanted him at the same time, so that clearly wasn't it either.  And may I reiterate that no human soul is worthless.  Sinful, yes.  Worthless, no. 

My dear ladies, this may seem impossible but we, who talk so much, need to work on our language and communication skills.  A man may be reckless, lustful, coarse, vulgar, dangerous, unwise, conceited, arrogant, abusive, and a plethora of other things but we make the matter worse when we do not use these specific words and immediately reach for the easy but inaccurate description of "men are dumb and worthless."  We further damage this world and our rising generation but saying that all men are unintelligent.  If all men are dumb, then your poor six year old son has no hope of a bright future.  Let us say rather, "I feel hurt when I see him do this", "I do not want him in my life anymore", "I feel underappreciated", or "I am in shock from what just happened."  In each phrase, the woman first owns her own feelings and gives herself a moment to breathe before she immediately jumps down the man's throat in retaliation and abuse.  When we recklessly lash back out of our own unbridled emotions we also become the bad guy and step across the line that divides right from wrong.  Whatever happens, it is still our right and our duty to remain Christlike.  The Savior was kind under extreme pain; so we should prove.

As for the absolutely stunning woman who faces divorce, I cannot help but think that God is doing her a great favor.  Few women can come up to her heels and if her present husband cannot see that, or if he cannot stand as tall in the way of moral decency, then God is giving her wings to fly without a morally degrading millstone round her neck and in His matchless love, giving him a chance to start over and hopefully repent of obviously failing priorities.  

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