*I have tossed and turned much in considering this endeavor and for my own part I would just as well forget the issue and go pursue better things. But I feel much impressed that for a great many reasons, someone needs to openly voice the truth about persecution and encourage those facing threats and jeers such as I have experienced. I speak from compassion for both the persecutor and their innocent victims.
Paperwork piled on my desk drew my eyes and attention and I found myself immersed in the mortal, pressing labor of the day. Tax calculations, invoices and the like littered my workspace and I plowed through with studious intent until I found myself interrupted by a voice at my door.
"Hey Michelle, have you heard the latest on how screwed up your church is?"
Here we go again.
I must confess this associate has after many years for the most part given up on attacking me directly, as he has found I prove generally impenetrable, but I find myself often the quick tongued vigilante who steps between him and others he seeks to demoralize.
I hear him travel down the hall to seek out other God fearing individuals and likewise interrupt their work in order to belittle their beliefs. I hear him stop at another Christian's door and begin unleashing a tirade of how absurd it is to believe in God.
Oh no you don't.
Rising from my desk, I stride toward his dulcet tones and ready myself to face this fight. The tax forms will just have to wait. I find him taunting this noble hearted Christian, who is clearly feeling the heat and exhaustion of verbal and psychological battle and I jump right in with a retort.
Gratefully, I have questioned just about everything about Mormonism and God in general, and voluntarily ripped my testimony to pieces that I might rebuild it more firmly from the ground up. He lashes back at me and I side step him, swipe at the foundation of his argument and watch his position crumble to the dust. He starts from another angle and I quickly jerk the carpet from under him and watch him hit the bare concrete below. I have to get back to my work, so I go on the offensive to finish him off. I pin him in and quite simply show him the absurdity of his lack of belief in such terms as cannot be refuted. He literally has no intelligent place to go.
And then it happens. He throws his head back and lets out a loud, brash, derisive laugh. The sound echoes off the stone floor and reverberates across the office. He saunters away with an ear to ear grin as though my words were so idiotic that he has nothing left to say.
This, my friend, is not a man who thinks me an idiot. I have known him for years, since before he turned his back on the truth. I know his mannerisms and his thought processes. This is not the behavior of a person who truly believes I am hopeless. But the fact is that laughter is no argument. Personal attacks are also not valid, issue related arguments. The fact is that this is the hollow, empty, maniacal laughter of a man trapped in his own weak and brittle agenda, knows that my logic has hemmed him in and has run out of ideas.
Gentle reader, when you find the world laughing at you, please remember that it isn't you at whom they laugh. They laugh out of fear that they may be wrong. They laugh out of desperation in the need to cling to their easily broken ideas. They fear so terribly that the house of cards they have made their platform will fall apart that they have to close the discussion and make a quick getaway. Know, my dear friend and fellow follower of God, that deep down they fear that all they preach is wrong, for so it is and somewhere in that beautiful, eternal soul of theirs they know their falsehood perfectly. They fear having to change. They may fear that God will never accept them after all they have done to fight against Him. They may fear that this hatred of God which made them feel strong will shatter and they will be left to see how weak they really are. They have not learned yet to trust that with God they can be made stronger than ever they were erstwhile. Pity them and pray for their welfare, for they live in a one dimensional existence, purposefully blinding themselves to all that would make them truly rich and everlastingly happy.